27 & Broken: Inside my head

Since the age of 7 I’ve been catching tears
But I shed no tears because my palm is full
My tears no longer fall down my cheeks
Instead they fall down my ribs

I tried to be the invisible glue that held the family together
Tried to keep my girls calm covered their ears to keep out all the mental harm and noise
But no hands were there to cover mine
So I took in all the noise
Put a lid on it,

Yet after all these years, it seems to be louder
When moving to England I did a ukip, made sure those six years won’t migrate over the border.
Before Donald wanted to build a wall I did that in my mind.
And from time to time I’d look inbetween the cracks to make sure that they are still over there.
Some try to sneak over but I….

I don’t want to look over the Wall,
Behind is the wall is dark
It’s full of pain
It’s filled with tears
The wall covers everything before 2011
I still see fragmants and images of those past years
I noticed my past is starting to catch up with me
I guess this is what happens when you remain stagnant

I laughed when people say they want to be like us
Not knowing the sacrifice that was made to gain this tiny shred of happiness

It was between meditation and self medication
So had i to go around the corner to get some food
No need for a GP, somethings in life aren’t PG
Overfeed, the more I eat the more I need
Break the bank to get more of it
Someone once tried to tell me that it’s comfort eating
saying it’s a sign of depression
But how can I be depressed
when the taste of food gives me a sense of joy and presses down the stress//dark emotions

This is better than hiding under the table and screaming
Or being afraid to go to sleep at night
Because you’re not sure if you’ll see the next day light

Wake up to a wet bed
Restless night
Due to blood sweat and tears
Restless night
Now the dark steals my fears
Restless night
Now the pillows catches these tears

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