#Let’sTalk ~ Creeping Insecurity
Have you ever sat in your bed, looked at your life from a birds eye view and thought “my life sucks!”
Before delving into this childish yet relatable rant that will obviously highlight my sheer insecurities and momentary pain, I must put in writing that the topics which I will address briefly are definitely ‘First World Problems’. And this blog is exactly as stated prior, momentary pain and anger.
We live in a world in which everyone or at least most people are extremely confident or have the facade of utter self love and acceptance. We are somewhat. more accepting, less judgemental and everyone seems so self-aware and ‘woke’. Despite the numerous keyboard warriors, excessive internet trolls and unfair share of hatred which aid in damaging people’s demeanour and self-love. Nevertheless, the majority of the world has seemed to accept themselves completely. And in all honesty, up until yesterday, that was me. I had thought that I had broken out of my low self-esteem which dawned over me until the age of 17, I had thought that I had been freed from the shackles which are insecurities and lack of confidence and furthermore, I had thought I was content with the person that I am today. Happy, completely happy. No longer was I a shadow who lurked in the dark corners of society, no longer was I ‘within and without’ – I was within. Just within, and when I say within I mean that I had become submerged within society in the sense that I love myself ALOT (as of course you should) and I didn’t really care what others thought of me and how the rest of society perceived me. So yeah, I was within.
Then the insecurities began to creep in again. And the reason as to why they began to creep in will be kept ambiguous due to the fact that it will hurt my pride to have to share it with you. However, they crept in, invaded all my years of character building and destroyed it in a split second, as though it was Mount Vesuvius erupting and annihilating Pompeii in 79 AD. Yes, my confidence which took so long to build up and self-love which took so long to developed was just gone. And it made me feel weak and small and well 15 again, and so I came to the drastic conclusion that my life pretty much sucked. My mindset was back to the simplistic, detrimental, self-pitying state that I was in at the age of 15 all due to literally one persons actions. And, after 30 minutes of moaning and complaining and wallowing in my own self-loathe it made me realise something: it was all a facade. In all honesty the insecurities are still here, they always have been and they most likely won’t leave anytime soon and that’s actually not a problem. We all have secret, hidden insecurities that have just been locked away in a closet in our mind. Mind-forged manacles that we’ve independently broken out of, nevertheless, the shackles are now just a lingering object in your mind that could still entrap you if you let them. Insecurities are personal to each individual and how we each decide to deal with them are also personal but they are something we can overcome and they don’t last forever. Like I said this was a fleeting moment of weakness, momentary pain. I woke up this morning and I’m back to my confident, happy self; obviously with small self-doubts here and there but not something that I can’t and won’t overcome.