The One That Got Away ~ Ede.N
To the one that got away,
I loved you.
I think I can admit that now without feeling stupid and sorry for myself. Although in this moment, I feel a bit raw because that opening statement is not complete.
I loved you and you broke me.
For a long time, that was our story. I loved in every way I knew how, in every way 1Corinthians 13 told me to, in a simple yet complex way I loved you until I couldn’t anymore. I didn’t see you coming in all my calculated plans there was no you.
But with you I learnt how to forgive, I learnt how to give second chances. I learnt how to take risks; my pride nonexistent. You were such a logical person but I couldn’t be logical with you. With you there were no walls, I was all heart and I was happy. With you I felt happiness that I could have only imagined. With you I was optimistic, I believed in you, I believed in me, I believed that I wouldn’t let us fall, loving you gave me faith. Loving you gave me strength, I believed I loved you enough for the two of us and I was all we needed.
But I wasn’t, My love wasn’t as amazing as I thought it was and it broke me more than I could admit for the longest time. Why wasn’t I enough? Why didn’t you see me as enough? Why didn’t you believe in me the way I believed in you? My insecurities had a field day that year and I hated myself for even trying.
The last time we spoke, we didn’t act like nothing happened but we talked about us in a way that was so brutally honest it became painful. I was enough, more than enough and you believed in me, just not in yourself. You didn’t see yourself as the amazing man I could see you becoming. You saw all your flaws. You were the Wolf and I was a little red riding hood and you had to save me from yourself.
I loved you and you loved me too so you let me go.
Maybe this isn’t a letter to you but rather to me. You are enough. It is okay to try, it is okay to give your 100 percent and love hard. You should take risks, you should do it for you.
It is okay to be vulnerable to those you love and if they hurt you, it’s on them…never you.